I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
