1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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