We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
