go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
