the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my shit smells like andre
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
