Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
