ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
