You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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