Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
im on a boat
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