I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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