Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
