rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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