yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
