2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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