his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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