I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
