I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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