Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
