i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
