I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
