Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
