Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
