well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
