Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
