My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
