1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
