This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you had me at cake vodka
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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