apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
