I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
