Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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