Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
