i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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