i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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