I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
