Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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