Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
