hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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