He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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