my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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