Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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