y did u give ur computer a hand job?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
