I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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