i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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