I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
