I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
