All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
