im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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