New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
