Can i not drive my cunt home
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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