Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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