i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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