Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
